Coming out, and doing the Great North Run for Stonewall

I was 18 when I came out.  I didn’t realise it at the time, but this was just the beginning of a coming out process that would continue every time I met someone new, for the rest of my life.

Me at 18

Me at 18

In my first career as a teacher, it was virtually impossible to be out at work.  Having been out as a student, it was difficult to adjust to this situation in the workplace and it was one of the factors that contributed to my decision to quit the profession in 2005 after 5 years as a secondary school teacher.

Me with some members of form 10LJW, 2002

Me with some members of form 10LJW, 2002

Coming out does get easier as you get more experienced.  I am more confident about talking about my girlfriend (now my wife) and I find that if I am at ease with talking about my relationship, other people often follow my lead and don’t make an issue of it either.  Paradoxically, as I become more comfortable with this aspect of my identity and more widely accepted by the people I encounter every day, the more the little incidents have the power to hurt me, because I don’t expect them any more.

I’m taking part in the Great North Run this September: the world’s biggest half marathon which starts in Newcastle and finishes 13.1 miles later at South Shields.

Great North Run route

I’ve done this run before, but this time I am running for more than just a good finishing time.  I’ve decided to invite people to sponsor me, and for this money to go to Stonewall – an organisation which campaigns for the rights of lesbian, gay and bisexual  (LGB) people.

When this idea first came to me a few months ago, I assumed that people would not be willing to sponsor me for this cause.  How deeply my internalised homophobia must run when my mind can still pop out thoughts like this!  I really hope that you will prove that idea to be false, and donate some money to support this organisation which does so much to promote the rights and acceptance of lesbian, gay and bisexual people.

I feel that I have both so much and so little to say on this matter.  But as long as our society expects us to define ourselves in terms of our sexual orientation, and for the default setting to be heterosexual, there will be prejudice and the need to combat it with education and legislation.

Back in 2010, Paul Gambaccini gave the first University of Oxford LGBT History Month Lecture.  His main message was that we could all contribute to the cause of sexual orientation equality by coming out to our families, friends and colleagues.  Despite my involvement in political campaigning over the years, I have found that one of the most powerful things I can do to help educate people about LGB issues is to come out to them.

I will leave you with a glimpse of the kind of work done by Stonewall:

Many of these have directly benefited people like me.  But it’s not over yet.  Please sponsor me and help to support this essential work.  Thank you x

5 Comments

  1. Never even registered that Paul Gambaccini is gay; did see him give an excellent talk about sex and drugs and rock and roll at an alumni weekend about 3 years ago though. Sarah Outen was there too, in between ocean strandings. Genuinely don’t think most people care who you love, beyond general gossipy voyeurism (and if that’s a baby bump on Kate Middleton I’ll eat my cardigan). Will certainly sponsor you though, on account of I’ve done the GNR myself and it bloody well hurt. Good luck. That’s a lovely wedding pic btw.

  2. Hi there,

    Thanks for writing this post, it all rings so very true! I came out when I was 15 and it has been an ongoing process since then. Ten years on, I still get that slight nervousness / fluttering when I know the situation is going to come up where I’m going to say ‘well my girlfriend…’. I try to do it in an off hand way, so it’s not made a deal of, and just presented as if anyone else was saying ‘well my boyfriend…’. I often find it a wee bit challenging being the only out one at work, or in a group of friends, but I feel it’s important (for me and for ‘progress’) in the long run. I could go into a long sociological diatribe/rant about heteronormativity and cultural construction but I will reign myself in!

    So thanks again for writing this post and best of luck in the Great North Run!

  3. Go Laura! Your funny old aunties down here have dealt with all kinds of reactions, including being turned down for a social work job (won on appeal) and kids being mean to our kids – but after 30 years, we’re over it! We’re just an ordinary couple. Any reaction these days just amuses me. No point being hurt, its their problem not yours.

  4. Pingback: Thank you to everyone who sponsored me! « Laura's Dark Archive

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